Poetry

 Untitled

No tears fall from these eyes, instead they swim at the edge of the line,

Waiting for the dam to shake, rattle and break.

No sobs escape these lips, instead they hide in my throat,

Unable to float pas the tongue that chokes all emotion out of soaked words.

Struggle with a balance

Lean towards the right

Everything’s a fucking challenge

With no solution left in sight

So riddle me this:

Why do we cry and cry and cry

When we don’t know why

When we look to the sky

As if answer will fly by

On the coattails of clouds.

See I’ve found a way to lessen the pain each day:

Don’t give a flame no oxygen or it’s bound to flare up and stay.

The secret is to grab each tear with your mind, discard the fear that hides inside,

That makes it felt, that makes it shine.

Ramblings of Endless Curiosity

To want to know the truth of one’s Self, there must be Fear.

Fear exists as the element of surprise, the variable of the equation. 

It is what feeds the primitive monster that is Ambition.

It is what creates possibilities; thus creating the gateway.

Fear lends a hand to the discovery of one’s boundaries;

There are no limits to Fear, itself.

5/3/19

The internal struggle is meant for you,

Despite your doubt, it shall stand true.

Fear not what still remains hidden from view,

As cosmic change works to renew,

All that you’ve conquered and worked to get through.

Allow yourself to sit down for a spell, 

 5/2/19 For Jovana’s Birthday

Ángel de la Tierra

She walks along with supple grace,

a playful smile upon her face,

and looks around the empty space

that Time has left, without a trace.

Her fingers trail the open air,

intentions neither here nor there,

she draws upon the moon so fair,

without a drop of light to spare.

As wild abandon favors lust,

so does she, for love and just.

To cast a living spell she must

Let it settle within the dust.

And once the buds have found their toes,

she’ll find out where the wildest grows,

Whose scent is of the reddest rose,

And fall asleep in sweet repose.

4/13/12

Sometimes I wish I could fall into the rabbit hole.

Let my reality become dark and uncertain. 

Never again to feel the sun like liquid gold.

Just fade away from the red velvet curtain.

3/19/19

Inspo line from Jake: Tuesdays can sometimes be tricky. 

--

And even when the most decent of us all succumbs to his shortcomings,

We shall rejoice,

For he will have learned the ultimate lesson in humility as only the Individual can learn.

We shall rejoice.

3/22/2013

Aftermath.

the Terror of a Blank Page

ripples through me like a rock,

thrown into a placid lake;

Disruption run amok.

the whiteness of a clean slate,

makes my nerves stand on end.

though, soon i'm soothed like bamboo

in the wind, it folds and bends.

for one to see what they cannot see,

for one to know the unknown,

the rewards to reap are Infinite;

the benefits from your oats a-sown.

it's within the aftermath

that all is crystal clear,

where you find yourself, once again,

relieved of any fear.

when all the dust is settled,

and the picture comes to view,

your heart shall be unburdened,

until the next Blank Page of New.

3/18/19

The task at hand is long forgotten,

Although the mind stays indifferent to its plight.

The sultry lure of what lies beyond the window draws me in, and out;

A battle of wills for which I have no fight.

Refill the Well, up from the bottom,

Take stock of the contents chosen to ignite.

3/17/2019 DRUUNKK

Pity Party, For One?

I worry that in the heaviest of breakdowns,

I will not perform.

I worry for my own sanity, as it appears to be deeply contingent on my mom's, dad's, brother's, and best friend’s happiness.

I weep for them.

For you.

And worst of all, for me.

Untitled 

Sometimes I wonder, do we have enough love within ourselves?

I weep for all the souls I know that try so hard to avoid heartache, yet it inevitably finds them all, one by one.  And it knows hows to hurt each of them, so effortlessly and thoroughly.

Sometimes, I think none us were deliberately made strong enough to carry all of this weight.

Untitled 

At this point, neither of you are going anywhere. Do you know how lucky that is to find? 

Someone who will suffer through eternity for a fleeting moment of you at your TRUEST.

What people will do for love,

with love,

  in the name of Love.

       

Untitled 

For as much sadness, more happiness shall follow.

But, sometimes, the human soul is not meant for burdens. 

Untitled

Are we made to persevere?

Or are we made without purpose?

I think my biggest fear is my loved ones passing away, unhappy.

3/17/2019 Details and Detentacles

When the winds blow,

I shall chase (After)thoughts.

When the moon breaks,

I shall catch the Night(fall).

From the depths and beyond

do we speak to ourselves,

O, how gladly do I listen!

3/17/2019

With ease and clarity

No steps shall falter

As they travel to their unknown destinations. 

With no disparity

‘tween chit and chatter

Do we feed our natural inclinations.

Other than variety

As our only fodder

To further our sunny dispositions.

3/17/2019

Who knows what lies ahead

Unless truths are questioned beforehand. 

('07)  Defrost

 

My hand keeps coming back to this empty page,

         poised and hovering an inch or two,

                     my fingers cradling the pen,

                                 frozen.

Too many thoughts are fighting for my frozen fingers,

         to bleed them out of my head,

                     and onto this empty page in black blood.

Sometimes it's much easier to just white-out my brain.

         Just drape a white sheet over everything

                     and stop the thoughts from clawing at each other.

But sometimes,

         easy has an easy way of making it

                     hard.

My hand is still poised,

         maybe not frozen,

                     but

                     waiting.

If You Come Softly by Jacqueline Woodson

 

If you come as softly as the wind within the trees,

you may hear what I hear,

see what sorrow sees.

If you come as lightly as threading dew,

I will take you gladly,

nor ask more of you.

 

And if you come I will be silent

nor speak harsh words to you.

I will not ask you why, nor

or how, or what you do.

 

We shall sit here, softly

beneath two different years,

and the rich earth between us

shall drink our tears.

 

('07) Untitled

 

Let these mean streets wrap their heavy bass beats,

around your hands and between you feet.

'Cuz you can't feel the heart of the city

unless you're a part of the city,

unless you sleep with the freeways,

eat tacos with our kings,

drink up with the homeboys until you can't tell where you end,

and L.A. begins.

 

('07) Untitled

 

Can somebody tell me why we feel the need

to ignore the weak cry of our wayward seeds,

our in-between teens,

who seem just out of reach?

The sons and daughters of immigrant farmers,

are drowning in our ignorant waters.

They have no fee waivers,

no life savers,

no shield against the haters.

Their minds ache for the touch of the books,

their eyes tire of the ugly looks.

Those that go for it are tossed into the (unknown word)

with building blocks that just get knocked down.

 

('07) Untitled

 

We sit alone tonight.

The walls between us stand like silent sentries,

         listening with no particular interest.

You sit with your elbows on your knees,

         Your head in your hands,

         Your heart in your throat,

         and your thoughts--your precious beautiful

                     thoughts--

         lay scattered at your feet.

 

thus my Lover sits--

         contemplating my own position

         on the other side of our guards.

         Would it be like his?

 

Oh my Lover,

I am not like you in your position,

         but your twin in your train of

                     hows,

                     whys,

                     what happens now?

 

I sit alone tonight--

         my own hands lay upon my lap

         listless and cold,

         like two heavy wings,

                     clipped neatly,

                     their tips cleanly dipped

                                 in red.

 

('07) Unfinished

 

The trees will be naked soon, their tops looking like their bottoms.

 

('07) Unfinished

 

The lonesome will roam the earth,

as only lonely creatures will roam.

They'll travel in packs,

         or rather as each will travel in their own world,

         but together as only the lonely will travel.

 

('07) Untitled

 

The others will never know!

         they'll never have a clue

as to the frustrations one will go through

to spill their minds on the welcoming blankness

of a new page.

The emptiness beckons you with nothing

but the possibility of everything.

 

(11/'07)  Untitled

 

Sometimes I wouldn't mind, just sittin' here,

watching the trees get old,

getting old with them.

Cradled among the branches,

watching their foliage creep with greens

that seep into reds that seem to bleed out

their sunburst fillings till their arms have

nothing

left to keep them warm.

And in their stillness,

I will watch with growing anticipation

for the Earth to soak the sun

until Her naked sentries stand,

budding with bloom once more.

No, I wouldn't mind just sittin' here.

 

('07) Untitled

 

the crisp and the candid

stroll hand in hand

down the narrow walkway,

regretting only that they had not met

at an earlier date.

 

Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

"What is done out of love always takes place beyond good and evil."

 

Mary Oliver (?-?)

"You do not have to be good.  You do not have to walk on your knees for a hundred miles through the desert, repenting.  You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves."

 

('07) Unfinished

 

Softly do the blossoms grow,

         as leafy tendrils wave hello,

         and lady slippers stretch their toes.

Wild do the daisies sow,

         their faces dancing to and fro

         with endless smiles to bestow

         upon our merry way.

 

(?)

You're beautiful in red,

even more in your tears

running dry with regret.

 

(?)

And if this is heaven

then I'm in the wrong place.

I'm begging you take me,

you're taking this too far.

 

(?)

I held you up as my only hope

without decline or a steady slope.

This could very well

be the strongest will

that I could fabricate on my own.

 

So intervene at any time.

Lost is found and you're divine.

Let's plagiarize.

 

(?)

If I listened to everything you told me,

I'd be on my way to near perfection.

But every cloud has a silver lining,

it's just that ours is a little sharper than most.

So be careful of what you touch

Don't be so sure of who you trust

'Cuz you might cut your fingers

or slit your own throat

and bleed all your regretful "I'm sorry's" away...

You should know, just how pretty you look,

on my wall, pinned against your will.

 

(?)

you know I could break you

I could tear you apart

rip you into pieces

walk all over your heart

I'd be doing justice

giving you what you deserve

believe me when I say

I'd laugh at your last words

 

(?)

I'm running low on tears

but I'll keep on driving

I'll let you take the wheel

while I take in the scene.

 

(?)

I've seen this episode before,

go ahead and flip the station.

Wait a minute, I'm going blind,

and you're the fool I'm taking with me.

 

Leave behind your prized possessions.

Gun it, gun it!

Gun the volume!

 

Higher contrast,

dim the brightness.

There's your host, and he's not a looker,

but let them tell you otherwise.

 

Let's play poker with the writers,

and gamble with their scripted lines..

 

(?)

Refined was always too rich for you

You're bleeding senseless.

Your talk is crazy.

And it's about time I get out of here.

This line could be your downfall.

Convention's drying out your eyes.

Insatiable and tacky, how the two work so good for one.

 

(?)

She’s dressed up to the nines, and addressing you as master,

The master who discovered VISA EXPRESS

As a registered offender,

She’s repeating all the damages

and it’s costing you a fortune

to keep up with the Jones’

while you cover up the mishaps

that your missus enforces.

 

Lift the hood above her shoulders

And then checkout the hardware.

But don’t tell me what you told her

And you won't be a liar.

She’s literal and Vital

With the methods that she uses

And the madness in her eyes

Gives you broken bones and bruises

Her lighter fluid fire

Burns a trail into your belly

Like a psycho at her best,

Rendered obsolete and useless.

 

?

Get the jumper cables humming

And you’re open for business

Find the engines that she’s gunning

And then charge her for interest

“You're The Beast of Burdens,” she'll shout, 

“I'm The Damsel in Distress!”

She'll chew you up and spit you out

That lyin’ Lady Lioness

 

?

They’re crying like it’s a finale 

Too serious for the series to go on

She’s stepping on the eggshells

He used to make her breakfast

But now she’s quickly putting on the brakes

 

“Hope you like apologies”

Improvise improvements,

I’ll be happy to comply

Disregard distractions

And you’re left with sorry valentines.

Apply appreciation,

5 words come to mind:  thank you, I love you.

 

 

(?)

I wonder if you could count the times

That you or someone you know had lied.

Count it on your fingers, on your toes, on your mind.

You’d probably live to a hundred and die

And not realize

That damn! You can’t define

Each and every time

Your lips chose to rebel and defy

What was written in stone,

In gray matter in bone.

 

See, time is a record that keeps on spinning.

It doesn’t stop for the dead or the living.

It could care less of the drama and stress

That manifests

At the workplace, at home, or in your own chest.

It’s gonna play the same song

Like “on and on, on and on and on.”

 

See, time records YOU

Through the love and the blues

When you win, when you lose

When you ride to die, or when you cruise

Shit, time is a.k.a. DJ Endless on the one’s and two’s

And he doesn’t give a fuck what you’re going through.

All he says is, that’s life, boo.

And he’ll turn to you like, now what you gonna do?

You gonna lie or tell the truth?

Cuz it don’t matter,

Girl, one way or the other,

What you choose to hide or uncover.

 

(?)

Hello to friends, hello to enemies,

Hello to those who don’t know me,

Thanks for coming out and rocking to these beats.

I love when the people come together

In nice or nasty weather

For a reason or whatever.

 

‘Cuz it’s good to be alive

In the city we reside

Where angels will rise

From those who despise

What life is really about.

And what is life really about you say?

Well, did you wake up today?

Did you see the way the sun came out to play

Through the foggy gray?

Through the ugly haze that hovers over OUR L.A.?

‘Cuz it was beautiful.

It was fine.

It was gorgeous,

Borderline Divine.

And did you hear the little boys?

Around the corner with their little toys?

They were laughing like no tomorrow

Like there was no sorrow

Like down the street

Their sweet friend Pete

Didn’t get jumped and beat

Until his heart couldn’t make a peak

On that green thing that beeps.

Like on the other side of that corner

Their cousin, who was older,

Didn’t get raped and murdered.

Like no one had heard her.

 

‘Cuz it’s good to be alive

Regardless if we survive

The bullshit in our lives

‘Cuz as long as we don’t forget

That as long as we’re not dead yet

We can still see the sun rise and set.

Yeah it’s good to be alive.

 

(?)

Sometimes, it doesn’t make sense

why we fall in love but still pretend

to never have loved before,

And always “Let’s be friends.”

And never “That’s the end.”

 

Yeah, I could live without you,

I know I could.

Eight years and could’ve been counting,

Eight years and would’ve been birthing,

Eight years and might’ve been marrying,

And yes in that order.

 

But maybe, just sometimes, maybe that’s it.

And that’s okay.

You’ve held on long enough for the day,

Go home to eat, or church to pray,

If you feel that it could help

To stop the pain.

 

Then again, sometimes you say

“What the fuck, YOU’RE way?”

And never thought you’d have to pay.

The price of falling in love,

Is losing your way.

 

She thought she’d have the world

In the palm of her hands, my homegirl.

Yeah she’s crazy, crazy in love.

And wouldn’t you know, she did.

For a bit.

But like I said,

Sometimes, maybe that’s it.

 

And that’s okay.

Don’t trip, don’t worry,

Don’t get up in a hurry,

Cuz things have a way

Of losing the gray,

And showing true colors

Through sisters and brothers.

Through one another,

I see truth.

 

See how crazy sometimes can be?

It’s two syllables, like you and me.

If you put those two together.

It doesn’t give you black or white,

I doubt it ever will,

It just opens your insight,

So you don’t stay up at nights

Wondering if you did alright,

If maybe you had to right

If sometimes you’re supposed to lose the fight

In order to keep the knight

Who saved your ass,

You damsel in distress.

 

Just take a breath and close your eyes,

Don’t cut yourself short, that’s suicide.

Look inside,

Yourself that is,

And see what you find.

Maybe, just maybe, some pride?

Cuz that’s what you’re made of,

Don’t you remember?

And sometimes, you forget,

But cease to become?

NEVER.

 

Sometimes things are easy,

Those are never fun,

the things that are hard, now,

could get me quite undone.

Get me undone and crazy,

Undone and unwound,

Wonderfully fuzzy and hazy,

But no clarity and sound?

No sense of pure honesty,

To yourself and your crown?

How could I lose that?

It’s mine and my own,

Like yours and yours and yours.

That would be too whack,

To kill what God hath sown,

Your fingerprints and vocal chords.

FUCK THAT

No way

Not me.

Not I said the cow

Not I said the flea

I can’t fucking believe

I got suckered by Us’s and We’s

And Baby I love you’s

Can’t live without you’s

Can’t have no other,

When we know that’s not the truth.

 

Boy, we’re only human.

 

Sometimes, that’s okay

Baby we are growing each and every day,

And I was made to love,

For love,

By Love,

And I will find my way,

Like you will find yours,

With guidance from Above,

You’ll find your own prints and chords.

I will love you as I did.

And that’s okay.